I am home! I forget what a blessing it is to be here since it happens so rarely now. I have had the nicest couple of days off from teaching – a full 4 day weekend! (I have off tomorrow too.) Teaching has been going well, but I am getting antsy for it to be over. It’s not that I don’t like it because I do, I know that I want to still be a music teacher, but that college degree is so close. I’ve worked so hard the past 4 years, and graduation is right around the corner. It’s such a weird place to be in right now.
I was just telling my mom that I feel sort of homeless right now. I don’t really belong anywhere. With student teaching, I don’t have a place to call my own. I’m just the tag-along who kind of fits in but not really. It’s like teacher purgatory. With living in Indiana, it kind of feels like home. I’ve lived in the same apartment for two years, and it’s a familiar, comforting place. But lately I’ve been packing that place up because I’ll be moving out of it in three weeks! It looks pretty empty right now. And then there’s the home I’m in right now…it’s where I grew up, where I go for almost every school break, but since I’ve left for college it doesn’t really feel like home. It’s basically a place now full of old memories and a place to put my boxes of belongings. I’m excited to get a job and get a place of my own that finally will feel like my home! To get involved in a permanent church, to get a pet of my own, to buy my own furniture and have a garden. For the past year especially, it’s just been a series of packing and unpacking, moving from place to place.
Despite these feelings, life has been good. I’ve been starting to take bike rides since this dreadful, horrid, awful winter seems to be finally over. I’ve been lesson planning like a fiend and working on paperwork for student teaching like my work sample and non-music observation write-ups.
This is basically what I did all last Wednesday: my work sample. I was dreading doing it, but I knew once I sat down it wouldn’t be so bad. And I wrote the whole thing in one night, which made me feel productive. This is how I felt when I was done.
I don’t think I moved from this position on the couch until I went to bed. I was so tired. I always thought that being tired from student teaching was a silly thing, that people were exaggerating. But it is no joke. I get home some days and all I want to do is crawl in bed. I am so grateful I will get my summers off from teaching, because it would not be possible to do year-round.
Here are some pictures from this weekend. My mom’s garden is beginning to grow and I love watching things bloom. With basic training last year, I felt like I didn’t get to appreciate spring or summer barely at all, so this is a real treat for me right now. As much as I am tired of living in Pennsylvania and I’m ready for an adventure somewhere else, it really is beautiful here.
And here’s a picture of me and brothers from Easter today. I only see these two a few times a year now, but I love spending time with them. I love that I have good relationships with my brothers, and I hope it continues throughout our lives. I got to go to my brother’s volleyball game the first night I was home, and it was a lot of fun. It was the first game the team won this year! My grandparents were there too so it was good to catch up with them.
Also, I’m wearing the dress I made and I feel really proud of myself for that! I enjoyed going to church with my family and praising God. I’m not going to lie, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to a church service and I haven’t given God the attention He deserves the past few months. That’s definitely going to change. I need His direction in my life, especially for things that are about to happen!
Does anyone sometimes get a sudden thought in their head and it won’t leave? Like God is telling you to do something? And its so strong and compelling of a feeling that you know you’re supposed to do something? That happened to me this weekend. I was impressed upon to make a phone call to someone that I haven’t talked to in a really long time but I knew I needed to make the call. Even though I didn’t feel like it, I picked up my phone and called this person. It was great catching up with them and I knew it was the right thing to do! I love it when God gives me such clear directions like this. There is such a feeling of freedom and satisfaction from knowing I did the right thing. Sometimes I don’t always know what I’m supposed to do in my life, but it is so refreshing to get such obvious directions from God.